Ini bukan rant post because frankly, apart from my deteriorating command of language and nearly empty bottle of shampoo, I don’t have much to be disgruntled about. Of the late, I've been feeling like a functional human being once again :)
But then again, neither can I classify this blogpost as anything else.
If you feel that there is no flow when you read this post, it is because there isn't one. I'm just gonna throw everything up onto board, so to speak, before I head off to bed and crash not because I am physically tired, but because I simply can do so with my current semester timetable and I must fully abuse it before ACCA eventually haunts my day and night, so to speak.
Today was one of those mornings I woke up and contemplate on the past two years of college. Two years is hardly a long time if you’re measuring it against a marriage or something important but we can hardly assume that time stands still while you’re away right? Each morning we wake up with a fresh copy of paper on the doorstep and the mail piles on every day. Life goes on. No one and nothing waits for you and that leaves you only to stumble behind in the wake of events.
Anyway, where was I again? Ah. Contemplating. I’ve been doing it more frequently now with ‘graduation’ lurking around the corner. Hehee. How strange it was to be living somewhere else apart from home. How the waves of cina human sea left me lost in translation (and still do). How friends are now more than a phone call away. How I’ve to purchase my own weekly supply of fruits on weekends I don’t come home. That I’m no longer a public-transport-virgin. Ironically, how I still hate the public transportation. How I managed to complete a group assignment single handed. And there’s the estranged people I’ve met. How different our backgrounds/views/dreams are. Of how people always expect something in return regardless of what they claim. How infrequent it is to collide into friends although existing under the same small area. How people always say they want to catch up over so and so but never make an attempt. And it still takes me by surprise how it’s possible to discover something new about someone despite seeing each other almost every day. If there’s one thing that won’t change it is that I will never understand my college people despite futile attempts. Why do they do the things they do. That at times it may be necessary to forget, but it never resolves matter wholly. The predicaments of living within a budget and what a responsible and boring person I’ve became. How comforting it is to know that there are people like me who’d stay up beyond five just for a pristine result slip. How I eat/sleep under stress and when I don’t see hope in what I’m doing.
This eventually leads to the line of reasoning between achievements, health, family, missed opportunities and regrets. It all seemed so intangible and surreal at the same time.
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Despite all that, I have come to believe that the world is an enigma because on some days I wake up full of great ideas, and other days I wake up with an angry buzz in my head as if my brain were attached to electric wires.
Some days I feel jaded and every other day I feel like I'm being held together with a bit of glue, paper and all the colours in a crayon box set.
We are all, after all, putting together the pieces of jigsaw puzzle of our lives to complete the picture. These jigsaw pieces, it seems, don’t just materialise in front of us unless we take the initiative to go looking for it.
And after all that has been said, the reason behind all this oddball midnight rambling hasn’t been disclosed. But I guess you’d have to come back another day as I’m gonna catch that sleep I mentioned above.
I’ll be sleeping tonight with that quote from Grey’s Anatomy bouncing in my head like a hyperactive ball.
“We do not get unlimited chances to have the things we want. Nothing is worse than missing an opportunity that could have changed your life”
I hope it gets stuck in your head too.
