I will try, but maybe it’s best to admit defeat before you are consumed by your own fallacy.

For the first time, I leave a lecture trying to push back the small tears forming in my eyes. Having to curl up in a cubicle to let them out in small weak sobs. To pace around my hostel buildings while struggling to keep my lips upright and still.

Because it was so insanely difficult. Without the proper understanding I am literally digging myself a grave. I didn’t think I could cope and my grades depend on it. And in some way, my overall happiness (currently) depends on it.

I feel so stupid. Not just because everything taught seems so vague but because I let such a silly thing affect me to this silly state.


Intimidation at its best.
And it is the ninth week already.

Be Right Back

Um. Hello..
I can explain! Well I think I can.

• I seem to have vanished from the face of the internet. I didn’t even write on my best friend’s birthday nor about what I did during EarthHour, which seems to be the hot topic that’s appearing on nearly everyone’s blog -_- Outdated, I am.

• I figured out that my overused excuse of being lazy is well, overused. So I tried thinking of a new one. But I couldn’t. Why? Because I was too lazy to even try for more than five seconds. At least, I earn brownie points for honesty.

• The past coupla weeks, has seen Weishya at its worst. Unforeseen mood swings, weird food cravings, college work, and recently; tests and project proposals.
• I’ve adapted back my old habit of napping in the afternoons. Total waste of time but at the very least, it helps with my mood and studying late into the night.
• Last Monday I lost my thumb drive. Will SOMEONE please hit me on the head? It is simply depressing how scatterbrained I can be sometimes. And Sheryl just called me a big head prawn in cantonese, whatever that means. Remember I mentioned about not blogging on Crystal’s birthday? Well, I typed out one lengthy post and my thumbdrive went missing along with her post. *sibeh tulan* Typing it all out seems very disheartening, sorry Tal.

• I learnt that carelessness has a price to pay. Indeed it does.
• I am 100% metal free, if you know what I mean :D :D :D
• I volunteered/got dragged into a position for an event that is gonna be held on such a large scale I don’t even wanna think about the massive paper work that comes attached with the title of Honorary Secretary. (I’ll elaborate more on this in future blog posts)
• My grandpa was in a hospital I pass by nearly every other weekend back to Stapak yet I didn’t know of its existence until the other day. Yesterday, he was discharged, and you know what? He’s as absurd as I am when it comes to food. He refused home cooked porridge and demanded for Ipoh Ngar Choi Kai. -____-

• The blog is still under construction, actually, I’d be amazed if you have tracked me down. As you can see the links have not been fully updated. Will work on it when I have more time in my hands. Let me know what you think of the new look okay ;)
• Now that I think of it, I’m musing on the thought of never resurfacing in the blogosphere. That would save me the trouble of setting up a private blog. Hmm.
• I have found solace in peanut butter and banana sandwiches, superdupergood I tell you. Go try, go try! I’ll give you one buck as compensation if not nice.

I have some proposal writing to do so I’ll TRY find time to find internet in this jungle of books and madness to update you more on my, chaotic albeit boring life. I hope.

P/s: Have a good April ahead of you! :D

Hunger Pangs

I'm back from my little hiatus. After a healthy dosage of fresh air to breath and surrounding myself with cloudless night skies dotted with stars again. Do I make any sense? :P

Helloh!

Yes, yes. It has occured to me that I've been a little bit edgy the past few days. Snappy, maybe. I take not of the teeniest matters and find fault with simple things and I just get so freaking annoyed.

The ho-hums of life and the people I socialize with simply won't allow me to be in a brooding funk and will go to all extends of getting me out of the dumps. Why la you people like this *pouts*

Anyway, I've come down to the bottomline of my moody days. It's my bloody hormones. Seriously. Haha. I should be banned from all forms of socializing when PMS syndrome is on going.

Lately I've been walking around feeling like a pregnant woman lah. I get this weird food cravings at the oddest of hours and my sleep cycle is so screwed up. Two Fridays ago I had a huge urging for KFC and ice cream cake. And last week after a looong day of classes I so badly wanted a roti pisang :(

Weird, I know. Anyway, byebye peeps. I'm going on a hunt of sour onion and cream chips!

And again.

My bags are unpacked, heaped at the end of bed.
There's a layer of dust and grime everywhere.
There's lizard's poop scattered in every nook and canny I turn.
Notes from last semester are scattered on my desk.
Cobwebs adorn the room walls.
And and..my bed suddenly doesn't look as apealing as it used to.

I want to cry laa.

What Do I Really Want?

Normalcity is finally settling down, and so is lifelessness.

I tend to do the same things at the same time, every day. For example: waking up at that precise time, morning calls, getting hungry, using the bathroom, getting annoyed, guilt trips for not studying enough.

Arghghgh.

Aaaaaaah.

If there's ever a moment 24hours a day is insufficient, it would be now.
*insert swear words*

Filling in the seconds

Hello yellow!

I actually don't have anything to blog about, yes, I'm typing this with an empty state of mind. Bare with me or go away. :)

While you read this, keep in mind that I'd actually very much like to sleep away the evening or finish the novel that I've been reading for FIVE weeks now, which is since college started if you did the math, but for the sole sake of keeping this rant blog alive; I shall do what I do best.

What's up you say? Ah well.

Time is still beyond my control. Surprised? During my busiest days at college 24 hours just don't seem quite enough. I almost want to hold out my hands in the air and try to grasp the seconds and minutes as if I can stop them from moving on. Imagine a little girl trying to catch bubbles. That's how I'd look.

Economics and Accounts tests were tricky, otherwise a-okay with the help of last minute studying and late nights. Aihs. The lifestyle I'm picking up is worrying me. I must stop putting other peoples needs before mine. Why am I so nice all the time is a big big unanswered question.

And I'm having a dilemma with my room. YAH. As stoopid as it may sound, the place where I
snacksleepstoneshitstudymerajokandhidefrompeople
is now a MAJOR distraction box. I didn't know such thing is possible of occurring until last Thursday after I nicely allocated the four hours after class and before gym session to menghabiskan overdue tutorials. I ended up sleeping an hour away. But what happen to the other three hours? Time just disappeared. Vanished, poof. And the next thing I know, Sha's dragging me to gym despite me protesting and making deals that don't make sense. She hates to run you see, more than I do anyway, so I can use that to my advantage. Shh.

I actually have tests for gym. Omg wei. First they make me watch dvds, then run all over college, now tests. What is it with my college and cheating me? I thought gym was all fun, AVOIDING the sun at all cost, sucking in the air conditioned place with fun friendly gadgets that zaps away fats and flabby thighs? The whole bunch of us were given briefing on how the practical tests was conducted which involves the teacher elaborately demoing on the proper way of using the gadgets and adjusting them to suit our height, strength and all.

While all that happened, some drama happen which involves the not so balanced part of me and whacking my head on the equipments and tripping on mats. Leaving ugly bumps all over my head for I did not hit it once but twice. Never underestimate the powerfulness and kekerasan of gym equipments weh. It felt as if a coconut was thrown on my head, twice :( Now I'm labeled as an accident magnet, everyone has to extra careful around me. The situations I get myself into is so...wow la.


It's late and I want my sleep. Heehee.
Till then, goodnight!

Bing Bang Boom

As much as I want to slot in time to tip and tap away at the keyboards to fill in my handful of keen readers on my humorously filled with unseen mishaps and what not life in the events of balancing family, college, the dying social life and best friends in my small small hands cupped together, I can't.

There's so many things I want to blog about. But time does not permit me to do so.

I want to rant and rant over the recent change of events. I want to tell you about the moment ugly feelings I never knew existed that caught me off guard. I'd like to explain about the sudden surge of courage I had to confront things, which left me lost and secretly pleased with myself and the unplanned series of events we never saw coming.

I want to enlighten you on how leaving seveenteenhood and tiptoeing into the big one EIGHT left me with a bagful of thoughts. How my singleton status is finally being handy, not having to allocate time for just ONE person is blissful. And I also want to explain detail by detail the random gifts I've received on my birthday. How much it meant to me. How deliriously happy it made me.

I want to tell you about the wrong turnings I've taken and learnt that there is ALWAYS a way back to sanctuary. And lastly, I want to let the world know I have not been studying for Econs test on Monday. Which is why I should get my butt away from the computer and tube box and into my textbooks, as hard as it gets. Haih.

Hello from TARC's Canteen Two Foyer

Suddenly,
all out of the sudden,
I am unable to keep pace with my life.
It's as if someone pressed the fast forward button and snippets of it are flashing across me.
:S

Always The Last To Know

You know what?

This is a rant blog, so I will rant as I please.

I will rant about matters I know I cannot change even after trying so hard, I just want someone to listen and acknowledge it instead of giving me too-smart replies.

I will rant about having no newspapers to read during the weekdays.

I will rant about how much it doesn't make sense that Shah Rukh Han received Datukship.

I will complain about how much my handphone alarm annoys the crap outta me in the morning, because then, I have to drag my sorry ass into the eerily empty showers stalls.

Or that I sometimes miss having friends giving me five minute notice before picking me up for a random outing.

I will rant about the plunging Plurk's karma points and that I feel the initial enthusiasm draining away silently and slowly each day I'm separated with a computer.

Don't get me started on the canteen food, my new english teacher - Miss Elizabeth, the bahasa malaysia subject that's forced upon me, the ever constant rain that wets my feet but also lets me show off my umbrella, or how I always oversleep and miss meals, and that I feel KitKats are overpriced or how upset I am that Oreos are banned because of China's milk crisis because it's late, my feet hurt from shopping and I want my sleep.

And also because I realised as much as I complain, I love/hate my college and ulululand. (This is admitted with much unbashness.) Lets face it, it was this situation that I'd become the person that I am now.

Realiable and a companion.

It's like a dual dynamic package.
You can't have strength without weakness.
You can't have light without dark.
And you certainly can't have love without loss.
Jodi Piccoult

See Me Wishing I Were You

I'm Home!

For a day. Before I leave for Setapak tomorrow. But it feels good to be home, even if briefly.

I miss my bed, which is beginning to lose my scent and smelling faintly suspicious of Tall Sister. :(:(

As much as I would like to blog on nonsensical ramblings, mundane happenings of my life, and nonexistent photos, I'll be updating on a weekly basis because my sad excuse of a college life does not permit me to spent 2647 hours in front of the desktop screen.

To sum up it all up, the first week back to college was somewhat tiring. And the good/bad/neutral news is that I'm usually dead to the world before two. Hmm.

Finally got my timetable finalized this week, I have six subjects inclusive of English and Bahasa Malaysia. The Business Statistics subject I love/hate so much has been upped to Quantitative Studies. Looking at the graphs and lines and laws, I've started to freak out, really. College timetable is really packed, and I've nicely arranged my lectures to suit the preference of my lecturers and if anyone or anything comes in my way to disrupt it, go away! I'll be having classes 5 days a week unlike some lucky asses who got Fridays off. *big big sighs*

In the wake of the start of a new semester,new resolutions have been made. And the ironicity of it was a majority of them were broken on the very first week *smacks head*. Sheryl nearly had me fooled with her 'I will be on time for class' . Sook Huei's one probably went something like this 'Eat less bread so my friends will stop calling me breadface'. Mine was to give exercising a shot and not let people tread all over me. Which I did live up to it, for this week anyway. I went jogging. No shit. Ask Sheryl, cos I'm sure she wouldn't erase the memory of her physically unfit friend exercising for the first time since forever, anytime soon. Another outstanding one was not doing everything I'm not suppose to during lecture. Gah, Economics was such a sleeping pill, the atmosphere so dead I had to make humorously stoopid remarks to stay awake. I hope I won't lose interest with all the charts and graphs.

This week also had me up the wall with the constant rain, instantly drenching the new red shoes, and then Ms Chin, the driving instructor postponed my exam to the first week of November after I've so carefully arranged replacement classes for that specific day. Ishness. I also must learn not to leave my phone all over the place and the art of ignoring phone calls from people whom I work with. Because picking them up only drags you into deeper shit. Meaning, forcing myself away from whatever it is activity I choose to indulge myself at that moment of time; sleeping, to layan whatever qualms and enquires.

You see how nice I am now?
:S

Sudden inspiration?

I've found my lost inspiration to study that flew out the window right after IT exam on Friday. You'd never guess what, or who for that matter that inspired me.

The pak cik guard -.-

But it was the hostel guard alright.

Ryan says he's horny. I think otherwise. I think, you're the horny one =P

It really is an eye opener to think in another prospective of life. Not everyone is as fortunate as we are. For me as a coll student, okay la stay up sampai pukul tiga to study. But for old folks like him who should really be in bed at that time of the day, has to earn bucks to stuff into his already adult kids pocket :/ whatthecrap is wrong with his kids?!


Anyway people, missed me?

Ah yea well, busy busy. Busy sleeping and waking up late only to have find the canteen close, and end up eatting bananas for dinner. Not that I mind, but lapar laaa! :(

*Head smackes the books* Sigh.

If It's Coming Over You Like It's Coming Over Me

I’m not sure what I’m trying to achieve by drafting this post. Or will I even successfully put into words the significance of it at all. In fact, I doubt it’ll even make it to the list of published posts.

So, tuan-tuan dan cik-cik sekalian, adalah dinasihatkan supaya anda menekan butang yang berwarna merah yang mempunyai lambang ‘x’ di atasnya.

Here and now, I find myself in the same predicament as before. I have so many things that I want to blog about but time does not permit me to really write, to pour out my thoughts and feelings. Not only is time an issue but inspiration seems to have deserted me as well.

I would like to do a more meticulous update about what’s been going on with me but I reckon it would have to wait until inspiration decides to visit me again.

______________________


I don’t know where to begin. Okay, maybe I do. I guess it all started when the demons of the past caught up with me. The epiphany of time occasionally does that when we least expect it. Talking to too many people, doing too many things that doesn’t concern me, and what not. The other night, I got distracted and end up helping this cina charity society fold paper swans until 1am when I rightfully know I was supposed to study for Econs test! OMG. Eh wait, that’s not the point. The thing is, I’ve noticed recently, no actually, the past seven months, I’ve been meeting one too many new acquaintances, both from Sabah and college, not that I’m complaining. It’s just that, what happens to the old ones? Last week a met a guy named Hunt, and the week before was Moses, and before him was SQ and Ee Yun…. I barely have time to register foreign names and faces and get to know their whereabouts before I go registering a new contact in my already mampat phonebook. Adoi.

Anyhow, I’ve been updating the phonebook over the weekend so not to mix up the Alexs’ and Jason’s in the world. I have a grand total of EIGHT Jason’s in my phonebook, excluding the two whom I’ve deleted. Friends and family and random contacts are categorized. I hate doing it, but I see no other option after sending wrong texts to people I’ve mistaken them to be. So memalukan okay.

And so, friends, you are now listed in my phonebook according to the means we are acquainted with. Blur? For example, the Jasons are now listed as Jason/NS, Jason/tarc or Jason/13. Just so you know, best friend, you’re classified as Crystal/BBF :D

Speaking of the past, there used to be someone special. Someone, who with just a feeble joke or a crooked smile gets me smiling until the moment my head full of hair plops the pillow at night. At first, it was an awesome feeling. The joy and anger, they were pure. Everything became more colourful. Even studying seemed a little more appealing then it used to. However, simple stuff turned difficult. As time passed, laughter transformed into doubt, confusion, and basically the whole package that comes along without a charge, unwanted. Days came and went, and after a huge span of time, lengthy emo sessions and floury exchange of texts with best friend at ungodly hours, it all became a numb wound that won’t hurt with any amount of nudging or poking. And so it’s been a year since it all started.

That’s when curiosity starts lurking. I should have take heed of the advice, curiousity killed the cat. Maybe catching up wasn’t such a great idea after all huh? I should have left things the way it were. I’m sorry, I'm disappointed but I definitely did'n regret it. The fact that things that revolve around me always get screwed up and annoys me isn’t gonna leave me ALONE is it?.. What I hate the most is I'm unable to fix things right and yet somehow feel appallingly vulnerable.

I wallow in the past and obsess about the future. How bad can that be huh? Very I say.

The moments of forgetfulness is such a bliss.

What If It All Means The Same

Rainy Days and Mondays; One and the Same.



What is it about the rain? It seems like when I have the option to sleep, sitting in front of the wide open book spilling with words seems to lose all it’s attraction. *yawn*

I’m having a shitalishious week so far (yes, I know its only Tuesday and it's too early to curse it, but scrap that, it's as awful as it can get).

How my day and week manage to get so screwed up all by itself, is beyond me.

It's absolutely crap.

You know when absolutely everything and everyone is out to get you. Even inanimate objects - like the MIA room key and when the shower foam bottle goes empty on me. It’s then when I imagine that these things actually so have some form of intelligence and they all decided that today is piss-shya-around week. And then I get all angry and stuff and I wish that every single person that has ever messed with me would do so today because I’m ready.

I’m itching for a good fight, a real screaming match, you know?

One of the things I inherited from my mother is the ability to go from peaceful to pissed in a manner of seconds. I’m stressed out about tutorials, upcoming exams, about money, more exams, other people's portion of assignment and about my friends that has once again heaped some of their crap onto me.

I need something to break up the monotony of all the day to day activities - you know. I can’t remember which blogger wrote about it - what would you like to have invented? Today I’d like to have some sort of gadget that would make me disappear, just for today or for the week. This time next week, everyone would remember me but today and for the rest of the week, everyone should just forget I ever existed.

Or maybe I’d like a battery operated clone that would give all the correct responses that doesn't end up screwing me in the back later on and I can stay home and send my better half to college and live my life, and she can take all the crap because she doesn’t have emotions or feelings. But enough about that. The fact that I want to go Hannibal on someone and bite their face off isn’t important. Because I hate blood.

So there you go.

That Purple Thing

And so, a week has passed, packed full of activity such that I had too little sleep and had no choice but to concuss on the ride back to home grounds. It was a tiring but fulfilling week, I even managed to meet up with the datelines I had set *ifeelsoproud*. Many thanks to everyone that played a part of it; from piggyback rides after walking a whole day in too tiny heels to being treated Singapore Laksa in maggi hotcup =.=





On a frustrating note, I have never been more mad or confused. Those feelings left me feeling like a tv rosak on a euro championship season. I can’t explain this. But then I can’t explain a lot of things. I just wish, sometimes, I had the guts to give people a piece of my mind. Like how I feel I am worthy to fume and boil because to think of it, I have already done my part, for that matter, I was left with no option but to complete a whole task single-handedly, with no help whatsoever. I have camped at the library after classes for days, sometimes, until late in evenings, freaking lifeless, rambling hungry, frozen cold until my teeth chatter as if it's gonna fall off, while knowing I have a pile of homework to go back to. Adding on to my sappiness, I've shamelessly borrowed friend’s of friend’s laptop to continue wracking my head until wee hours of the morning.

So please, spare me, don’t put words (or feelings) in my mouth. Do you even have the faintest idea how I feel? How exhaustion has seeped into my spine overnight I'd have to force myself up from bed the next morning? Crack open that mascara encrusted eyelashes of yours read this and comprehend it well, I have no intentions to bitch but do realize that the world doesn’t revolve around you. Readers, don't you go bitching around either. Lay off my case.

I love how my parents are always on my side when I moan. They will chastise why I let people walk all over me and proceeds to defend for me which I would be absolutely smitten. *hearts*

I am in serious need of an intense blogging session and Anger Management classes. I mean, I'm always losing my temper and getting myself into sticky muddles. This week, not only did I manage to lose control over my temper and self-dignity, I somehow managed to lose muscle control over my limbs too.

What’s wrong with me, people? :(

Until further notice, my hotlink number shall be un-responsive.
So don’t get maddeningly furious when you don’t get a reply.
And don’t send me follow up texts like ‘Weishya, you okay anot? Why never reply’.
You will definitely not receive a reply, I assure you.

In my defense; Weishya needs time off to battle with the dragons within her. And with much skepticism and determination, she shall calm the beast and sing it a lullaby or two ;)

On days like these, good music pacifies to soothe the ever cynical ranting mind, so please recommend.


P/s: As much as I'd like to blame my mood on PMS, I can't. I swear my ovaries have a mind of it's own, badmouth it and relish it's doldrums.
P/ss: My first driving lesson will be tomorrow, although feeling out of the zone, I'm reaaally excited about it.


Here’s a fact of life; popularity doesn’t affect your future
If someone told me this in high school, I don’t think I would have believed them. But at this moment in time, nearly eighteen years of age, a step closer to my P license, popularity is a matter of opinion, and even the most popular kids may not have any real friends. It is much more important to look for quality of friends rather than quantity of friends.
You know who you are.

I've Got Nothing

It just so happens that this post is filled with nonsense. Don't like it? Click the red button on the top right hand corner. Problem solved.

Ever have one of those days where, at the very end, you just have nothing?

You are too worn out, wrung out, exhausted, empty, and dead beat to have any emotion, any laughter, any energy, any anything?

This week was filled with those days.

Recently, ever so often, my race has been questioned. Over and over again. Until I begin to doubt it myself. I noticed this seems to be a routine thing every time I enter a foreign environment. And despite being so tulan over the whole thing, I’ll sum up just enough enthusiasm and answer back nonchalantly. On good hair days, I’ll come up with an ironic comeback.

I'm always bombarded with questions alike. Questions that will sink in and cause a flood in me. You can’t speak Chinese ah? Really?

Like being submerged in unconscious guilt is not bad enough, people start taking a stab at whatever dialect that comes jumping into their mind. What about Cantonese? Or Hokkien? Oh you’re a Hokkien? But you cannot speak Hokkien?

It goes unsaid, my nationality does not flee unscathed. You’re a Chinese? Chinese that can’t speak Chinese, what kind of Chinese are you wei? Why your name so different, are you Corean? Are your parents of mix heritage? At home never speak Chinese? What language you speak at home?.. Oh please la, my parents are as Chinese as they can be. Don’t lay it on them.

Up to this day, I still don’t understand Statistic after countless attempts. I even borrowed a smarty pant’s answers to refer and check where I screwed up. But alas, time wasn’t on my side. :( Boo.

Look on the bright side, we’re learning about Permutations now. Yeah, the stuffs from Form 5. I once thought Statistic was gonna be kacang puteh, I mean, how hard can ogives, histograms and median be? Boy, was I wrong.

I'm praying so hard it doesn’t do that 360 degree thing and hoot in my face, all over again.

The Citrawarna assignment I was given is not going as smooth as I have predicted long before. When forecasts turns into reality, it’s a mess. Oh HELLO?? Am I the only member in this group?

Joey just dispensed a piece of happy news in my msn chatbox. Joey’s ice-cream offer is still valid and available to claim anytime. And I will, one of these days. God knows I need it.

My family. I'm sure there will be more posts to follow, but after being away at NS for nearly two months, I still miss having them around the corner. Who doesn't? Well, I'm sure there's a select few, but mine is compounded with the fact that home is an hour away. It would be SO much easier if home was close enough for me to come over for dinner and then balik hostel. But no, I'm forced to source for dinner because I'm just too lazy. Besides, now, no one frets when I refuse to eat my portion of fish.

Oh, halal food makes Amin happy. But, four bucks char kuey teow doesn’t. I find the extreme raise in price recently ubber ridiculous okay.

So, I'm sitting on this hard wooden brown chair, pecking away at my home pc (trying to interrupt Little Sister form watching Catwoman), and thinking about what to blog. And I've got nothing. I am seething with jealousy over the several witty, insightful blogs I have read tonight because those people all had something to say. If I had any energy, I would've laughed out loud. And I've got nothing.

Szetoo, the slacker.
Fang, the fungus.
Weishya, the water tangki.
Sheryl, the sakai.
Philllip, the piping boy.
;)

Signing off,
Mishya, budak TARC.

P/s: Syaz, I swear, the sole purpose of your existence is to laugh at me.

My song for today and for the week.

And I Take it just a little bit
I, hold my breath and count to ten
I, I've been waiting for a chance to let you in

If I just breathe
Let it fill the space in between
I'll know everything is alright
Breathe
Every little piece of me
You'll see
Everything is alright
If I just breathe

Well it's all so overrated
In not saying how you feel
So you end up watching chances fade
And wondering what's real

Way to go Michelle Branch, you got it right!

I Stand Watching

It goes without a saying, once you step into the compounds ten feet within Malaysia's public transportation, you gotta hold on to whatever items that’s with you as if your life depended on it. Even though, in reality, all I had in my bagpack was a weeks worth of dirty laundry and lecture notes. My senses of precaution heighten a notch even without me being aware of it. But at times like this, having a sister around enabled me to catch forty winks on the LRT while she chats with her fellow classmates.

Being back in Subang is somewhat calming, for some reason I can't identify. Probably because from my bedroom, it only takes a flight of stairs down to the kitchen where I can find Mum caught up with a new recipe she’s testing to pour out my daily rants. She, whom does not judge, and yet, doesn’t really listen to what I have to say, but jumps at every opportunity to say, “I told you so”. And yet, I still love her and look forward to every weekend back home.

Mummy, just so you know, it rained this morning okay. Go ahead, tell me “I told you so”, after all, I deserved it.

The other night, I made a visit to 10th Teen Dhamma Camp’s Talent Night. Yes. Teen Dhamma Camp is now a decade old. Firstly, allow me to enlighten you on my fleeting history with this camp in particular. Mind you, it’s not like any ordinary camp you have heard or seen before this. I signed up for my first Teen Dhamma Camp together with a friend years back. It was the 6th one. If you did the math, I should be fourteen years of age, shy, naïve and ignorant.

And this is what I have become after four awesome years. Hahahaha!

Anyway, back then, I didn’t really catch what’s going on. It was a daze.

Everyone seemed to know each other even on the very first day of camp. Hugging random strangers seemed so normal to them. They were at ease with each others presence despite the different background we came from. Furthermore, the concealed bond between the sleep deprived committees was so strong, it amazed me. It puzzled me to no end at times. But it was then, I found the meaning of friendship. And yes, along the way, I found my best friend by pure coincidence and luck.

After attending merely one camp, I kept coming back the later years, but this time, to give a helping hand in the organizing committee.

Those precious moments I would never exchange it for the world. No matter how bleary eye and exhausted I was or how frustrated things weren’t going as I intended.

As I was saying, I visited 10th TDC because Tall Sister was attending her very own first TDC camp. *swells with pride for no reason* and sometime between the visit and witnessing fellow teens laugh at inside jokes and random cheers, for some unexplainable reason I felt this sadness expand within me. Within hours….it doubled up. And it blew a fuse.

I’ve been crying myself to sleep the past two nights and I freaking don’t know why. It’s as if by mistake, I burst a balloon filled with intoxicating cheerless-gas that sucks all happy thoughts from deep within me. If you witness me crying, you would have thought my nonexistent pet dog had passed away or something like that.

But it’s times like this, Crystal, the ultimate best friend never lets you down, even when she’s got exams the very next day :P In the weirdest of ways, she listens, makes remarks that will leave me pondering, later on, sends me into fits of laughter but most of all, she keeps me rooted to the ground.

After small chatting, I drifted off to sleep that night with renewed sense of optimism and energy. Boy, did I feel lighter after that :)

Whist being emo and all, I mistaken last Sunday for Father's Day and gave Dad his gift a week early.

OMG LA.

I bet you're laughing yourselves silly right now.

Stumble Bumble

Imagine the shock I got this morning thanks to my phone alarm. I changed the tone since the default tone (the one that ascends) makes me panic like crap. So I changed it to a song, and a lesson learned: stick to the default, as you might suffer from a cardiac arrest. Especially when you initially planned to wake up early to complete last week’s homework but end up snoozing until forty minutes later…

The past few days has injected much frustrations and annoyance in me. I wish I could vent it all out on this tiny box but…you could never be too careful who might just stumble upon my link. I'm sure many bloggers out there get my drift. The downsides of a public blog.

Hmm it’s weird. It’s been only three weeks into college life and I’m already losing the urge to blog. Maybe it's because I have to fly all the way to the library to get hold of internet connection That’s not the part I’m tensed up about. Only three weeks and I’m dead bingung about studies. What if I can’t acquire the now English accounting terms? What if I overslept, missed lecture, and can’t catch up? What if, without intention, repeat what I did to SPM Bio? The 'what if's' that are popping up are making me panic in my pants.

This is not good.

Where got people get worried about so early into the semester wan? This is illogical. Last night I asked Sheryl if she was feeling the same. You know what she said? She said I was making her stressed!! I had no idea I have that kinda effect on people.

Gahh.

On a brighter note, receiving text that goes 'Banana girl, where are you?' at 8.30am while listening very very attentively to Accounting terms I can hardly grasp, really cheers you up. Just imagine switching on a fluorescent light bulb in a pitch dark basement that could send shivers up to your cranium. Yeah :)

P/s: People, did you know, today, for the first time in history, the first ever hot air balloon was launched? I got that from Google. Click here to find out more. Toodles.

I'm a freshie.

Only because that’s what we all are referred as fifty two times a day, I'm caving in to being call just that.

My berbulan-bulan lama holidays have officially come to an end.

First day at college was scheduled on May 20th and I was never really prepared, just like everybody else. This time is different, I suppose. It was a change from the usual first day back to school where familiar faces pop up every five steps I take. I'm sure I’ll be meeting new friends, new lecturers and environment. I won't be seeing the same people I've used to when you were in high school and that’s somewhat discourages me :(

Nearly everyone, except the seniors, speak Mandarin all the time. I just feel so so estranged. Only because my Mandarin is down in the dumps. And their English, our universal language mind you, is screws and bolts. I think, I may face a great difficulty fitting in the next few weeks. Actually, that would be an understatement and we all know that for a fact.

This week was all about orientation, and we all know how amazingly fun orientations are. I mean, what could be more fun then looking high and low for the bathrooms only to discover the cleaning lady closed it for washing which sends you off in a haste hunting for the next closest one..

On a brighter note, I’ve done lots of amazing bizarre stuffs. Like going for an emcee auditions for a freshman night event just to prove I can make it to next round without breaking a sweat unlike the rest who went pale attempting to string a whole sentence of English words together... That’s how cina orientated this place is. And walking about campus without a map has been proven to be a challenge. Thank god for Sheryl, my walking map. Heehee. There’s also the time we both signed up for Hindu Society. I donno what hit us, it was an impromptu thing. But Buddhist Society activities are carried out in Mandarin so what the heck la.

Don’t get me started about the process to get our ID Cards issued…… *tulan*

Lectures start next week. I've heard that college life is tough. There'll be a lot more requirements to be submitted and quizzes to take. *Sigh* But it all pays off when I’ve gotten my degree or something. I just wish that it won't be that hard and that everything's going to be alright.

What I am feeling right now is a combination of fear and excitement...? What if my lecturers are really scary? What if i won't be able to please them? Nah. I don't care about these things. What more important is that I am LEARNING. And not preserving my brains only to have them disintegrate like how it has been the past few months. Okay. It's going to be alright. Take deep breaths.

Okay. I admit it, I am wee bit nervous.

You know, I feel like a tourist. Why so? I sleep on the hostel bed on weekdays and spending my weekends at home. And this is a lifestyle I am expected to adjust to.

But honestly, it feels great to be back on Subang grounds where familiar faces are only ten minutes drive apart. Plus, I really missed my toilet bowl okay.